WTB- One Psychic Rabies Pole

I must have slept for more than 2 hours at one point last night, because I had time to dream. I haven’t dreamed in months.

Naturally it was a nightmare.

Livvie was playing in her room with her blinds up so she could play with her window clings. I walked into her room and saw several enormous dogs, about the size of horses, with their faces pressed to her window. She was oblivious. I saw the hunting look appear on their faces, and as I launched myself across the room at her one of them crashed through her window and they rained into the room, all saliva and teeth and deafening growls. I threw my body around her to take the teeth and tried to get us out of the room which suddenly seemed as small as a closet. I had no room to maneuver. I was screaming for help. She was screaming and confused. When one of the dogs got ahold of one of her legs and started to take her from me I launched myself straight up in bed and sat there with my eyes unfocused, shaking and trying to breathe.

I am no idiot.

Those dogs are my temper.

Not to get all navel-gazing, inward-seeking, psycho-babble bullshit on you all, but it does not surprise me in the least that I dreamed this last night.

Yesterday morning started fairly well. Shortly after Rich left for work Livvie was playing at the kitchen table, and Jonas was pinballing around in his walker. I have two receiving blankets draping the bench at the kitchen table to prevent Livvie from completely ruining the fabric. Jonas rolled over and removed one. Livvie started crying immediately and ordered me to put it back. I told her I would not, as I was busy, and Jonas wasn’t hurting it. She yelled at me to put it back. I then calmly informed her that it was time for her to go to her room. She let out a piercing scream that came from the hollows of her bowels, and I saw red. I was already in tremendous pain yesterday, but I picked her up and carried her to her room, yelling back at her that she needed to stop this RIGHT NOW. She was thrashing in my arms and attempting to break free. The screaming continued, and I put her down in her room, told her she could come out when I was ready, and shut her door. I was vibrating with rage. My blood pressure must have been sky high, and I could feel the veins in my skull pounding.

She continued to scream, and I called her old Developmental Therapist in desperation. I informed her that it had taken every single ounce of control I could muster not to beat the living shit out of her. I spent an hour on the phone with her while she reassured me that this can be normal, three-year-old girlchild behavior. During that call Livvie screamed for 45 straight minutes. She would not give in. When she finally took a moment to catch her breath I went in and asked her if she wanted to come out and if she could behave. She said she could, and after we left the room and went to the kitchen she apologized.

Good deal, right? She was an angel for a couple of hours, and then I told her I wanted her to take a nap while Jonas took a nap.

230pm. By 245 both of them were asleep.

At this point I need to mention that since August of 2008 Livvie has taken exactly one nap prior to yesterday.

I took the opportunity to lie down on the sofa to rest my back, and 45 minutes later Jonas woke up crying. He woke up Livvie. Got both of them into the living room, and Livvie told me she wanted food.

Here’s where the shit hits the fan.

I put Jonas in his walker and handed him a small, plastic sensory ball to occupy him. I opened the refrigerator. Both kids were behind me, no more than two feet away. I turned from the refrigerator in time to see Livvie removing the ball from Jonas’s grasp with her right hand… and digging the nails of her left hand into his face and squeezing.

I threw the food onto the counter and achieved a level that can only be described as a roar, really, as I yelled, “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING???” Her whole body startled, and she snapped to me as I threw myself at her, grabbed her by the arm, and literally dragged her to her room. I thought I had been shaking before, but this time I almost stroked out. She was screaming hysterically again, and I know this time it was because she had seen the look on my face. It had nothing to do with my volume and everything to do with what she saw in my eyes.

Because at that moment I was ready to beat her black and blue. I have never beaten her. I never will beat her. I yelled at her that she was never, ever to touch Jonas again. I hollered that if I ever saw her lay a hand on him again she would be very unhappy with the result. I screamed, “WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?” So I left her hysterical in her room and told her I’d let her out when I could deal with her.

I called Rich and informed him that he needed to deal with her when he got home, because I was done. I then called Jennyquarx and vented, crying, because I didn’t know what to do anymore. While on the phone with her I collected Livvie from her room and led her to Jonas so she could see the marks she had left on his face. I told her that she had given him that booboo, and she needed to see it. I told her that Jonas loves her more than anyone else in this house… and I realized she was ignoring me. Back to her room. The hysterics resumed. Then I heard her screaming, “Back in bed!!! Get back in bed!!!” I went in and she told me she wanted to go back to bed. I informed her that this was a great idea. She was asleep within seconds.

While she slept I dug out my copy of Parenting Your Fussy Baby and High Need Child by Dr. Sears, and I flipped to the parts dealing with toddlers. I found anecdotes about other children behaving exactly the way she does. I read about how those issues were handled successfully.

Over an hour and a half later, after Rich had gotten home, she woke up. I started applying what I had learned. I ran out to get my pain med refill and got back home at 715.

She was up until 1015 last night because of the late, long nap. She was a delight. We had a very good time. I was sad to see her go to bed. When I put her to bed I thanked her for being so good during the evening, and she told me she was sorry for earlier in the day.

Today my child who usually does nothing but, has not whined nor cried a single time. Oh, first thing this morning she fell hard on her hands and began to cry, but I distracted her easily and she stopped quickly. Other than that she’s been just awesome.

I haven’t had to raise my voice a single time today.

Calm begets calm, and Jonas has barely cried today.

If you’re a parent of a difficult one, seriously, go get that book. Sometimes I think Dr. Sears is a little extreme, but in this case he’s bang on.

I’m sure I’m going to slip at times. I know every day won’t be perfect. Right now, though, I’m simply overjoyed to have found some techniques that work on MY child as opposed to the garden variety snotball.

We’re having a Good Day. I hope you are too.

House post to follow later.