House MD… In My Head

This didn’t end up being weekly, because of, well… oh a whole BUNCHA reasons that I’ve talked about and some that I um, didn’t.

Given that I spent most of today almost immobile, and I was unable to function for long until I ingested 40mg of Vicodin total that the doc called in yesterday, well, today is as good a time as any.

Because I get it now.

This post will contain spoilers aplenty. Stop reading if you haven’t caught up on last season. Seriously. Go away.

Rich and I started watching House about 4 episodes into the first season. The previews for the pilot episode that summer did nothing for us, and I was sad because Hugh Laurie could juggle hamsters while riding a unicycle, and I’d be all over it. He and Alan Rickman are the only reasons I own the DVD for Sense and Sensibility, and he was fantastic in Black Adder. It turns out we were right about the pilot. I’ve watched it since, and it sucked. One night though, we had FOX on for something or another, didn’t switch channels, and House came on. We got hooked immediately. The show had its ups and downs (Stacy an up, the asshat cop played by David Morse, whom I’ve adored since St. Elsewhere, a down).

First things first, because I have caught a few moments walking in and out of the bedroom. What. The fuck. Did Jesse Spencer do to his hair? I heard that Dr. Cameron would no longer be a regular character, so I’m wondering if Dr. Chase did the chick thing and symbolically cut her out of his hair. Trust me, washing the ex out of your hair these days no longer suffices. The last time I got dumped I had them take 13 inches off in one lop, and then they went ahead and gave me the pixie. Guess what? It worked. Anyway, I’m not going to spend much time on Dr. Chase because he sort of bores me. Although I did walk in to see him punch House again, and that was nice.

Last season everything went to hell because Kutner killed himself and House went around the bend and into a rather ominous looking mental health facility (loony bin). Those two plot points were not related. As I never saw the first episode of this season with sound, I have no idea why he went in there or how that all worked out for him. I have no idea why he and Wilson are sharing digs. I have NO idea why Cuddy’s baby is suddenly 20 years old. I also have no idea why Chase is wearing the white coat again.

But this is what I think will ultimately happen this season.

This year Dr. Foreman will dump Thirteen and finally date a woman of color. ANY color. I don’t care if they bring in Mystique, but dammit, this is the year that he stops dating only the pastiest, most washed out white chicks on the planet. The first time was no big deal, and I’m not going to get into a full on rant about this, because this is a BIG bugaboo of mine when it comes to attractive black men in TV and films, but have you seen his wife in real life? She’s a stunner. Hell, bring HER in so that he can finally generate some chemistry with someone he’s supposed to care about. And yes, I selected this photo for my own enjoyment, and I fully understand the irony in that, since I’m like, 98% white. I’m not understanding if this is Hollywood trying to be progressive, because it happens often with the sexes reversed as well, or if they think it might offend the sensibilities of Middle American white viewers to see a couple of color being passionate on the small screen. If that be the case, I’m completely floored because I still encounter people who loathe the idea of “miscegenation.” Whatever the reason, it’s a bit obnoxious. Ok, yes. I ranted. Stuff it.

Thirteen. I really don’t find much use for her anymore. She’s expressionless most of the time, and she would have made a fantastic Borg, which is handy since she has a designation rather than a name. Aside from Foreman hopefully giving her the boot, I’m imagining that during this season Thirteen will find religion. It would be nice to see her passionate about something other than nookie, and her half-hearted attempts in the past at doogooding have been less than convincing. In my mind she ends up treating a charismatic leader for some truly terrible, incurable disease, he/she is suddenly disease free with no medical explanation, and she’s reborn. And she’s ANNOYING. And then Dr. Chase, having been raised Catholic, lays the smackdown on her because nobody wants to ever ever ever try to bring the Good News to someone who had to sit through CCD for 3000 years. At that point she resigns and flies to some “impoverished” area of the world to spread the message and the medicine. And I never have to look at her blank stare again.

Cuddy is a mess. Cuddy has had some wonderful moments in this series, but lately it seems like they have no idea what to do with her and she has no consistency at all. Cuddy is a failure of a character to me. I will never understand why so many writers turn smart, successful women into neurotic messes. Since I am someone who is female, approaching middle age fairly quickly, and actually fairly intelligent, I look to these characters to see if I can identify with anything and form a loyalty. I just cannot relate to the cute young chickies anymore, and actually rarely did. Most of these women of a certain age are no goes. That’s unfortunate. I really used to like Cuddy. The best episode I saw over the past couple of years for her was the one in which she had finally adopted her infant daughter and had no idea how to deal with the crying. You can have an IQ the size of a small nation, and when an infant will not stop crying, no matter what you try, you feel like the biggest failure to ever draw breath. I did manage to catch much of last week’s episode that was Cuddy driven, and they did a nice job with her. Keep it up. In my head this season Cuddy will relax, at work and at home. She’ll have a stable relationship with our friend the private detective, because he’s crazy about her, and he’ll treat her like gold. She’ll dress more comfortably. She’ll laugh more. And for goodness’ sake she’ll stop stooping to House’s level.

Ah, Wilson. I love Wilson. He’s my favorite character on the show, and once I got past my memories of him in Dead Poets Society and viewed him as an adult I was thrilled to see him again. I feel pretty bad for Wilson, least of all because his girlfriend died horribly. While they do make his screen time count, he gets far too little. I understand that the show centers around House, his team, and the POW, but good lord.They have gold in that character. As I said, I’m not up on this season, so I’ll assume he’s getting more face since he’s shacked up with House (get your slash-fic minds out of the gutter). For Wilson this year my wish is that he learns to let House roll off his back (minds. out. of. GUTTER.), and understands that you can do very nicely for quite awhile without being reliant on a relationship with the opposite sex. I’d like to see Wilson be smart, very smart, on one of his cases without the help of House. Personally, I’d like to see him be right and House be wrong in the treatment protocol of a patient, and it would be nice if he could run with it. Part of the enjoyment of their friendship comes from the fact that everyone knows House needs Wilson more than Wilson needs House, but I’d like to see House realize that as well and treat his friend accordingly. He’s an ass to him. Yeah, that’s part of the joke, but it was becoming a one note kind of thing. Wilson is a stronger man than he realizes. That backbone needs to grow some more without going to the extreme of having him leave.

House can still be his own delightful ass of a self while accepting advice or criticism from those who love him. Wilson needs to take a brick to his head if need be.

Dr. Taub sucks. I hate him, probably more than the writers intended, and I’d love to see him gone. I’m not one of those folks who issuch a purist that the original three must come back, because I effing LOVED Kutner, but this guy is just a mess. Unfaithful to his wife, a liar, and not the best doctor to ever walk the halls. I find his backstory completely uninteresting. Plus, he looks like a gnome. If he showed up for work with a fishing rod one day I would be completely unsurprised. I want to see his cocky little self taken down so far that a winch would have to help him up. I would rather have had Big Love make the cut and join the team, but they didn’t consult me.

This season Taub will do a spectacular flame out as a man, a doctor, and a human being. Afterward he will FINALLY “get it.” The chip on his shoulder that he grew because he felt he was practicing beneath his abilities will disappear, and he’ll at least become a really good doctor. I’m pretty sure he’ll never be a really good man or really good human being though.

Something terrible happens to Gregory House at the end of every season, and this will be the year that his liver starts to shut down. The compounding factor in this will be that he won’t qualify for a new one because he caused it himself.

House’s reliance on pain medication wasn’t ever really- funny- to me, but it was entertaining. I’d sit there and watch him eat pills like candy and wonder how he could continue to function. They’d show him tipping back a shot (or bottle) of liquor, and I’d just shake my head. EVERYONE knows Tylenol and alcohol are a bad combination. The fact that he’s a doctor and should know better was just part of the entertainment. We’re presented with the fact that House is a mad genius, he’s self destructive in all things as many mad geniuses are, and we’re along for the ride and his eventual demise.

This past year I began to suspect that either one of the original writers suffered from chronic pain, or they have a consultant on board who can tell them what it’s like. Fer reals.

Using methadone to fight pain because you don’t want to give yourself organ failure? I can totally understand that now. Being an obnoxious prick because of the constant pain? Oh sure, I know he was always a prick, but it’s become apparent to me that a great deal of his issue is that every second of every day he’s been ready to crawl out of his own skin, and honestly, that doesn’t make for a pleasant person. Using pill after pill, hour after hour, just to make things manageable if not comfortable makes perfect sense to me now.

It’s going to kill him. If it doesn’t kill him and he manages to find a miraculous partial transplant from a family member, that would be okay. If the transplant board flips and decides to go ahead and give him one regardless of his past, that would not be okay.

I’ll stand by this though. This is the year that the pills take their toll.

I will be attempting to watch the last couple of episodes to see if I’m right. Can anyone tell me if I’m even close on the rest?