Strap In. This is worse than the bridge of The Enterprise.

So yeah, hi. First of all, Owie.

Second of all, I’ve got a few things for you.

Thing One

travelknitter.com

First- I’m on Day Four of a migraine. Now, my personal best was in 2000 when I had one that lasted eight days.

You have until midnight tonight to place a bet on how long this one will last.

Seriously.

Hop into the comments, and give your opinion on the matter. Whoever comes closest will get to pick the general topic of a flash story for me to write within a week of finding out the answer. I have two restrictions-

I will not write romance, because it makes me giggle and feels stupid, and I will not write a vampire story.

Otherwise all bets are off.

Thing Two

Second, a couple of weeks back The Wendig and I were conversing, and as things generally do language and whatnot deteriorated to that of those little pieces of seed pod you find in the gutter after a rain.

Odd that people whose bread and butter (even in their dreams) is language use can so rapidly reduce themselves to pointing, grunting profanity spewers.

So what I ended up mentioning was that the only way we’d be able to afford something necessary for this house was if I hooked myself up with a job at Shrivel Tits’ House of Chicks Who Bred as a… what do they like to be called these days? Dancers? Entertainers?

The man shot back that I should host a fiction contest here. Flash, loosely. I want 1500 words or less, folks. Write a story featuring the establishment “Shrivel Tits’ House of Chicks Who Bred.” Instead of just a forum for your lunacy I’m planning to make this an actual contest with an actual prize.

What’s the prize?

My firstborn son.

Ok, not really, it’s my services as a proofreader for something you want to put “out there.” You might not realize it due to the way I screw with grammar here, but it’s my calling. Spelling, too. The winner can shoot me a piece that maybe their significant other doesn’t want to have to look at ONE MORE TIME, or if you don’t have a significant other to force yourself on and are up shit’s creek for a pair of new eyes, wellllll

Gimme.

I don’t have time to go over a whole novel with a  flea comb, but a short will be perfect. Plus it’ll give me something to read. Plus it’ll let me exercise my OWN brain to let me become a better writer.

So you see, really, this is all selfish and all about me.

I also just want to see someone stuck working with the “Shrivel Tits” idea.

(The completely ass-kicking Ron Earl Phillips pointed out I did not include a deadline for this, so let’s make it 7pm next Friday the 18th. That way I have a weekend to read.)

There’s No Thing Three? THERE IS NOW.

Links. This past week has been one eye-opening reading experience after another for me, and I want to share some of my delight.

Read Factcheck.org or Politifact.com before you A) Open your mouth and stick your foot in it, or B) forward hate filled, ignorant emails to your family/friends listing the newest reason Obama is not a citizen and that, “In God We Trust” is about to be stricken from all currency by the evil, Godless, Socialist regime. Really. I’m done with Snopes. You want me to pay attention to what you have to say you’ll preface your chain crap with, “I personally went to (either) website and checked this myself. And then I did some research into the whole issue instead of having a knee-jerk reaction. And I formed my own opinion rather than spouting that of the loudest as my own. But here you go, interesting reading.”

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

*ahem*

Moving on.

While there’s still no cure for most cancer, researchers got paid to study the vocalizations of women during sexual intercourse and determined that they’re made in order to manipulate their partners in nefarious ways.

IMHO it was a way to get paid to watch porn, but who am I?

Anyway, the chicks they studied were no more than 21 years of age, and really, who the hell knew anything at 21? These days I know that if I’m making too much noise it absolutely precludes the ability to keep the tune of “19th Nervous Breakdown” in my head in order to keep going.

Ok, I made that up. It’s actually “The Letter,” by The Boxtops.

The link is here.

The thing about being a passionate advocate of Freedom of Speech is that sometimes you end up pissed over what people have the right to say.

Suck it up, though.

Helen Thomas pulled a boner. She did. She had the RIGHT to say what she did, and as it was her personal opinion and went against everything her employers look for in an employee (like the ability to know when to shut up) her employers had the right to censure her. It’s a shame. She was one of the best at getting the tough questions answered, and over 50 years has been stricken down by one stupid, ignorant comment.

This article asks first WHY the Becks, Limbaughs, and Hannitys aren’t held to the same standard, and wonders what would happen in a country where it becomes the norm for every Paid Mouth.

That’s a country I don’t want to live in, frankly.

Do I despise them? You betcha. But guess what else?

I have a LEGAL RIGHT to disagree with what they have to say.

The Constitution? She’s cooler than your mom.

Last, Roger Ebert is fast becoming one of the most influential people on the internet, and that amazes me. As a kid I watched Siskel and Ebert At the Movies, and he made me chuckle, but there was NO indication of the sharpness of that man’s brain or his power to speak well.

Fascinating that when he lost his speech he actually gained his voice.

I don’t always agree with him, as when about a week or so ago he tweeted based on the BP Disaster that none of us has an excuse now not to go hybrid (cost is ours), but he phrases things so well that you can’t NOT consider deeply what he has to say.

His now ancient (by internet standards) blog article on racism, How Do They Get to be That Way, written a little over a week ago, has been feeding my brain for just that long. I keep going back to it. The comments are fabulous, and when some troll comes along he’s very polite and doesn’t make a spectacle out of them.

Take some time to pop over there. He’s fascinating.

Have a great weekend. Owie.