Branching Out
Why Won’t Baby Sleep? A Bedtime Story*
Why won’t baby sleep?
Is baby not sleepy? No. Baby is sleepy.
Why won’t baby sleep?
Is baby hungry?
Baby shouldn’t be hungry. Baby had lots of food offered today.
But baby wouldn’t eat.
Baby IS hungry, isn’t he?
Poor baby. Baby is such an angel when he’s sleeping.
Of course, like penguins, angels is practically chickens.
Someone else is hungry. Someone who loves chicken.
Does baby know who?
That’s right, baby. Boogeyman loves the taste of chicken.
Don’t worry, baby. Boogeyman won’t know you’re there if you’re sleeping.
Boogeyman likes his food moving. And noisy.
Exactly. Be still, baby. Sleep.
Good night.
*Oh hush. I’m exhausted.
17 Responses to “Branching Out”
Are You Gonna Eat That? by Julie Summerell is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
Based on a work at jasummerell.com.
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LMAO!! Ummm…baby is gonna have nightmares and WAKE RIGHT BACK UP!
Now that’s a social story I can get behind.
Wow. This is grand. I was up since 3:30 with my chicken angel. Go you.
K
I’m using this next time I need to look after someone’s kid again. This will be a classic.
Thanks, folks. Coffee?
“Better go to sleep, Billy, or I’ll knock three times and summon the Floating Head of Death again.”
That’s just sick, man. You’re sick. Take your sick, sick self to, I dunno, Nevada or something.
Sicko.
Sicky.
Sick-o-Rama.
100% pure awesomeness… you has it.
Thank you.
But what does that say about you?
RFLMAO HA! You rule. The Newbery people should be banging your down. This is my favorite bedtime story ever.
I shall never tell a different bedtime story. I never did care for children, but this could make babysitting fun.
This is why you’re my favorite.
This just proves you’re all weird too.
Which, you know, is a compliment.
I wish my kids were of the age this would work, again. Then I wouldn’t have to threaten to chop off their feet anymore.
This is pure, unadulterated genius!
Coming from you this is highest praise.
This sounds like a distillation of of the policies used to keep us in line from 2001 through 2008. You work for the NSA?
That’s not a bad idea. Probably won’t pass the background check though.