Numbers too big to ignore…
1986
I’d gotten my first period when I was eleven. Granted, I was almost twelve, but my dad had died recently, I’d gotten glasses for the first time, and stress in general brought on early menses. When I was fifteen I went to the bathroom one day, and when I stood up the room suddenly looked like a crime scene. I was off to the doctor. The man who’d delivered me.
He prescribed birth control pills. When I went to Rite Aid to get them the pharmacist refused to let me have them. My mother then flipped the hell out on him. He was appropriately contrite, and he apologized, but I still wonder how many other women he’d automatically branded with the phrase, “slut.” Even if in his head. I spent a lot of high school sick a lot of days. Throwing up. Feeling unwell. Doc said my body thought I was pregnant due to the pills. At least I wasn’t practically hemorrhaging anymore.
1995
I couldn’t find my go-to brand of birth control pills anywhere. A pharmacy finally ordered them. Insurance didn’t cover them since they weren’t generic. They were the only brand that worked to reduce the bleeding and pain. It cost about $32 a month, or more than a dollar a day to keep myself from wanting to die once a month. Was it a plus to have some prevention against pregnancy in my early 20s? Sure. I was underinsured a lot once I moved to North Carolina, though.
Early 2000s
Jenest-28, the birth control I’d relied on for years, is gone. I bopped from one brand to another trying to find some relief from my, “female problems.” I am now divorced but an adult female who would like to not get pregnant as well. Periods and pain are still not as bad as before, but because I smoke I try to not take the pill if I’m not in a relationship. When I don’t- the hell days are back.
2004
I meet the man who is going to end up being my husband and the love of my life, and I go back on the pill. Insurance doesn’t cover what the doctor determines I need. Is it MY issue I didn’t put my own health before a man? Depends on how you look at it. I wanted breaks for my circulatory system, and there were other health reasons that made me take a break, too (smoking). Once again it’s about $30 a month. $30 we don’t have easy access to, but the cost of bearing and raising a child is much greater. We know we want children together, but there’s no money for them. We are still adult humans who find each other attractive.
2005
My husband finds a better paycheck, we get married, and within 30 days of going off the Pill I get pregnant. Did the multitude of years I’d spent on the Pill rest my system enough to have little trouble? I’ll never know. In 2006 we have a daughter, and we couldn’t be more delighted. In my mind I’m thrilled that in her youth she won’t have to listen to the crap about her sex that I heard in the 70s, and I know that nothing is keeping her from doing anything she wants. Not now. It’s the 21st frigging century.
2008
The doctor puts me on the mini-pill because I’m still a smoker, but due to the psychiatric drugs I’d been taking they’re less than effective. I get pregnant with our son and his twin. I lose his twin and go through pain for months while my body absorbs the fetus. Our son carries so low that my mobility is compromised, and I require a cane to walk. In-
2009
Our son is born, and as he’s in crisis I have to have a C-Section. When the OB asks me to sign the consent to surgery I tell him that while he’s in there I want a tubal ligation. He tries to talk me out of it, telling me that if they can’t resuscitate our son I’d be sterile. I told him that I am never going through this hell again. And I certainly wasn’t going to “replace” him. My son is born sucessfully, my tubes are tied, and-
2009-Present
Every single month I think I’m bleeding to death. Every single month I get horrible migraines and back pain. My cramps want to keep me in bed for three days. I have two children. I can’t stay in bed. I double up with tampons and pads, and there are nights when I get out of bed and change myself, including my underpants, because my body is STILL fucked up. I got lucky. I had two kids that I wanted and adore. I knew enough to know that this was even beyond what we could afford, and I had surgical sterilization. I don’t have any intention to be a burden on the government. It’s been tough. Because I’m over 35 and I STILL smoke- I can’t take birth control pills to control my issues. Every single month there are moments when I want to die. Every single month I have the permanent option to not get pregnant, thankfully, but that doesn’t help with the physical issues. Every single month I thank the maker that I only have two children because of advances in medicine that will let me have a-
Normal Human Female Sexual Life
2011
My daughter asks me if she’s going to be a mommy someday. I tell her, with sincerity, only if she wants to.
2012
My daughter asks me again if she’ll be a mommy someday. I have no sincerity when I tell her only if she wants to.
I didn’t tell her that family history might make it a pain in the ass. I didn’t tell her that the government is fighting over who is and who is not allowed to become a mother. She’s five. But every single day I look at her, and I know that this shit is worse than lying about Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy.
I also didn’t tell her that apparently I am now a slut.
But you know what? If using modern medicine gave me less endometriosis long enough to have my children? And let me enjoy my female body when I was young and active enough to do so?
I’m proud to be a slut.
Fuck you, to anyone who thinks this is about morals. I’m a good wife, a good mother, and a good human being.
And my family appreciates that I’m not spread too thin. So does your income tax.
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16 Responses to “Numbers too big to ignore…”
Are You Gonna Eat That? by Julie Summerell is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
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Hear, hear.
One of the reasons that women’s health issues are so poorly understood is that a story like this is just not discussed in polite company. And most men won’t want to hear it because it makes them squeamish (I was gonna say they’re pussies, but that just felt inappropriate here). I am glad you felt comfortable enough to tell your story because the reaction of your first pharmacist is most people’s when a young woman begins taking the pill…
I’m done with squeamish. And I’m done with that business of women must be demons because they bleed for a week (!) without dying.
I used to bleed for 14 days straight. When I was 20 I bled for 60 days straight, and I needed to be cauterized. The idiots who are On High and refusing to grant easy access to this medicine to people, no matter what without judgement, make me frigging sick. I wonder how much my mother’s issues would cost in 2012 dollars instead of 1960s dollars. I wonder if any of these assholes would care.
It is, I believe, because so many people just don’t know. I hate to trot this out because it is so over-used, but, “If this were a male issue…”
I agree with Kevin – if this were a male issue – it would be a non issue.
Julie – this was an awesome post and brave of you to put your (private) story out here in such a public forum. Hear, Hear. And Bravo.
Julie, have you tried to see if you qualify for medical financial aid at a local university? I had to go to the ER January a year ago due to hemorrhaging – on top of that, I’d been bleeding since Christmas: went to the ER toward the end of that January (should have gone sooner!). But they helped me with the applications and set me up with a wonderful OB/GYN who within the first fifteen minutes of seeing me in her office fitted me with a Mirena. I still have problems but nothing near like what I had before (I wrote about it on my blog; if you look up January 2011, it’s all in there), and for the first time in 30 years, I’m not chronically anemic. My periods are erratic, but I don’t have to worry about using two ultra tampons and a maxipad (and still worry about gushing when I stood up) and I got to give up sleeping with two beach towels. Now I might go thirty days or so between periods, which last three to five days, and I need only a pantyliner which I change a few times through the day! On the downside, I still have migraines; I’m seeing a neuro-ophthamologist for that, but so far he’s not been able to find a solid cause, so I’m on Imitrex whenever I start feeling symptoms. I can’t describe how wonderful the last year has been for me, healthwise. It’s like I’m a whole new person. Please, check with local universities and see what you can find.
I’m glad Mirena is working for you. Until I quit smoking I can’t use any hormonal birth control besides progesterone, and that was mainly useless as I bled constantly.
As for being anemic, I take Geritol one week a month and giggle at myself the whole while.
Get off my lawn?
yeah progesterone didn’t do a whole lot for me either. the ER gave me a ten day supply when they sent me home; i may as well have just been eating candy.
i take ferro-sequels for iron (my system doesn’t tolerate ferrous sulfate).
Slut bedamned, you are one tough mother. Proud to know ya!
Right back at you. Thanks.
Let all “sluts” reunite. And here I was thinking that my beautiful daughter wouldn’t have to worry about this kind of stuff. Happy to be in Canada even if we have a “Harper”s America” at the moment.
At least once a year now I’m tempted to run for the hills.
Rock. Thanks for this.
Great post, Julie.
One of your best posts. Really great.
I had my first period in 1994 when I was 13. They were painful and erratic. It wasn’t unheard of for me to skip several months in a row if I became even slightly stressed out over something. I have never experienced that “syncing” thing I’m told women living for extended periods in close quarters do; my body goes by the beat of its own drum, and fuck the chorus line. The doctor prescribed Ortho Tri Cyclen, which my mother’s insurance covered. My periods settled out.
I did not know I was required to be a slut, because while I dated my first boyfriend when I was 13, I didn’t lose my virginity til I was almost 17. To think, all that time I wasted when I could have had men lined up around the block, waiting to slut it up with me.